The Truth About Leadership Nobody Wants to Admit (But I Will)

By Dr. Torrie Kalm, PsyD | The Kalm Effect, LLC

Let’s keep it real.

If you’ve read my last two posts, you know we’ve been talking about leadership as the game-changer between organizations that survive and those that thrive. We’ve unpacked the fact that leadership isn’t a job title or a bullet point on a résumé—it’s the heartbeat of any high-performing team.

Now, let’s get into something a little more personal… and a lot more uncomfortable: what happens when the leader, you, me, whoever, is the one in the way?

I know. That’s not what you came here to read on your lunch break. But stick with me, because this part matters most.

Accountability: The Leadership Buzzword We Love to Avoid

Here’s the unfiltered truth: being a leader means being willing to look in the mirror and ask, “Am I the bottleneck?”

If your team’s overwhelmed, disengaged, or constantly spinning its wheels, it might not be them. It might be you. (Ouch, right? I told you this one would sting a little.)

I say that with love, and from experience. I’ve been there. I’ve had seasons where I thought my team just “wasn’t getting it,” when the truth was I wasn’t communicating it clearly. Or worse, I was holding so tightly to control that I forgot to lead with trust.

The Best Leaders Build Cultures, Not Just Calendars

Here’s what I’ve learned working with dozens of teams and coaching leaders through The Kalm Effect’s programs: the most effective leaders focus less on managing tasks and more on creating culture.

Let me say that again for the folks in the back: Culture > Control.

You can’t build an innovative, energized team in an environment where people are afraid to speak up or burned out from constantly reacting to chaos.

People-first leadership doesn’t mean being a pushover. It means being intentional. It means leading with emotional intelligence, setting expectations clearly, and actually investing in your team’s growth, not just their productivity.

And yes, it means sometimes cancelling that 87th meeting to ask someone, “Hey, how are you doing, really?”

From Firefighting to Future-Building

If you feel like all you do is put out fires, congratulations, you’ve graduated to Chief Smokejumper. But firefighting is not leadership.

Leadership is saying, “Let’s figure out why these fires keep happening and who needs support to keep them from igniting in the first place.”

It’s long-term. It’s strategic. And yes, it takes work. But you know what else it leads to?

• Lower turnover

• Higher morale

• More innovation

• Less wine at the end of the week (well, maybe just one glass instead of four)

A Quick Leadership Gut Check

Ask yourself:

• Am I creating clarity or confusion?

• Do I react more than I reflect?

• Have I built a culture that gives feedback or just vents in the break room?

• When was the last time I celebrated someone else’s win?

If you’re cringing a little reading that, good. That means you care enough to grow. And growth is where real leadership lives.

The Bottom Line: People Don’t Quit Jobs, They Quit Cultures

The data backs it up (again and again). But so does real life. People stay where they feel valued, challenged, and seen. They give their best when they believe their leader has their back, and their future.

So the next evolution in leadership isn’t about working harder. It’s about leading better. From the inside out.

Let’s build that kind of culture together.

Final Thought

If this message hits home, take it as your invitatio, not your indictment. The fact that you’re still reading tells me you are the kind of leader who wants to grow.

And that’s exactly where it starts.

Now go check that mirror, not to critique, but to lead with courage.

Need help building a culture that thrives?

Let’s chat. At The Kalm Effect, we help leaders and teams grow from survival mode to unstoppable momentum, with science-backed, people-first leadership coaching that actually sticks.